posted on 15 Aug 2016

I went to the corner shop for some butter

Novelist, Alan Gibbons, discovers that sometimes it's just the little things that can drive you to distraction - especially when you just want something as simple as butter.........

 

 

I went to the corner shop for some butter,

But they didn't have butter. They had:

Utterly Butterly,

I can’t believe it’s not butter,

Bugger me, that can’t be butter!

Butter, you’re having a laugh,

But they didn’t have butter.

The shopkeeper said, “They’re like butter,

Only different.”

I said, “I don’t want different,

I want butter.”

 

I went to the second shop for some butter,

But they didn’t have butter either. They had:

Das ist nicht butter,

Mais non, ce n’est pas du beurre,

Imagine it’s butter,

I used to be butter, but I’m all right now

But they didn’t have butter.

The shopkeeper said, “This other stuff

Is good for you.”

I said, “Good for me, bad for me, schmitter, schmutter,

I want butter.”

 

I went to the third shop for some butter,

Thinking they had to have butter. They had

Flitter, flutter, it’s nearly butter,

Sub-butterly grease,

Doing it large, it’s kind of marge,

I wish I were butter, but I’m not

And Ersatz Butter in a fancy jug, but…

Hang on, what’s that, yes,

They had butter.

The shopkeeper said: “You like your butter,

Don’t you?”

I said, “Not really.”

But I do.

 

August 2016